The God They Tried to Give Me
I’m at Church of Christ Bible camp in Alabama Genesis 3:16
& I try to wake up at 5 AM to shower while there’s Genesis 3:17
warm water left. Pray the alarm on my borrowed Genesis 3:18
Nokia phone will wake me in time. Curse under Genesis 3:19
my breath every time it doesn’t. Judges 19:24
I don’t quite grasp the concept of submission yet, Luke 17:32
don’t think of myself as an empty vessel. Instead, I 1 Corinthians 11:3
find my light in the boys who volunteer to lead 1 Corinthians 14:34
hymns, find my dark in the girls who I know 1 Corinthians 14:35
to be loud in the comfort of our cabin Ephesians 5:22
reduced to salt in public. Ephesians 5:23
This year is different than years past. This year, Ephesians 5:24
we have archery. Well – okay – I guess technically Ephesians 5:25
the boys have archery. The girls are expected Ephesians 5:26
to just watch. Except Ephesians 5:27
I beg the counselor until he lets me try & Colossians 3:18
once I try, I try again. I try again. I’m 1 Timothy 2:11
better than the boys. Better than I am at 1 Timothy 2:12
sitting still in chapel, waiting for men to talk at me 1 Timothy 2:13
about beliefs I can repeat but not claim as my own. 1 Timothy 2:14
Within ten minutes, the boys are calling me 1 Timothy 2:15
Lot’s wife & I wonder what my namelessness Titus 2:3
means for the girls who know silence. Titus 2:4
I pretend the targets are expectations & Titus 2:5
I send angry arrow after angry arrow straight 1 Peter 3:1
into the middles, better than the boys can. 1 Peter 3:2
I’m trying not to cry, trying not to tell them 1 Peter 3:3
that I’m sure someone must have named her. 1 Peter 3:4
Must have named me. 1 Peter 3:5
That Lot’s wife isn’t a nobody just because 1 Peter 3:6
men want her to be. 1 Peter 3:7
I won’t return next summer. I will
never look back.
Rachel Tanner is an Alabamian writer whose work has recently appeared in Peach Mag, Memoir Mixtapes, The Rising Phoenix Review, and elsewhere. She tweets @ rickit.