childhood idols

“We wanted them to wander over,

place deep wet underarms to

our lips, and then their white

asses, then those loud mouths”
—Dennis Cooper, After School, Street Football, Eighth Grade

“Oh no, you don’t understand, this is an Alaïa!”
—Cher Horowitz, Clueless

—  —  —

Pale boy juicy rubies : nerves frayed black-winged birds

taste of copper : strange & lovely to touch : needing a

sweet escape ( gwen ) : i opt in : flesh scraping fear do do

do suzanne vega : make & model of his lips : classic

mustang turning into my own turning until i react :

whistling the star-spangled banner into my throat : small

breath small breath touch mouth my neck : stay of

execution too late for modesty : flat white like coffee :

bacon butty a fine kiss : soaked in acqua di gio : or is it

dior sauvage : sean o’pry on a white horse : le cuir trouve la l

ame : (leather finds the blade) : piercing the veil of

insecurity : you come upon me : cooing : u ax what does

that mean : i ax why must words have meaning : mc

confidential : sticky fingers & two pints : les sucettes : (the

lollipops) : laisse tomber les filles : ne dis rien : comment te dire

adieu? : dis-lui que je l’aime : je suis venu te dire que je m’en vais :

souviens-toi de m’oublier : (drop the girls : do not say anything

: how to say goodbye? : tell him that i love him : i came to

tell you that I’m leaving : remember to forget me) :

indomitable spirit : fiance fled to keep her sanity : you

basic ass : judy chicago is dead : dax exclamation with no

point : nick cave & the bad seeds : u step out madiba vibes

: pockets of tenderness : lick like ur life depends on it : my

signature is boss : my signature is wealthy : my signature is

legendary : loopy loop : strong & decisive : elegant &

evocative : mild-mannered yet firm : dressed to impress :

mother monster sings RedOne : but b/c of the autotune : i

think she’s saying red wine : so nice of her to sing about

wine : berries turn my tongue darkly : stained like an iraqi

finger : we are liberators : how’s that going? : well they

have the simpsons now and they didn’t have it before : so

there : you fill me with unclean secrets : pour dirty change

into my tip-jar : tell me no double-dipping : marathon

kisses out of fairy tales : bodies shining : elusive &

swooning : elaborate dance rehearsed but sloppy : veins in

marble : patina of the mind : surfaces laid with tarp :

devout astroturf : high school nights recalling high school

days : in my head you’re danny phantom : make me : spin :

gentle soul : cloud to touch : full mouth smirking : thin lip

& muscle : long teeth : my neck : stars laid deep in ur

dreams : skittish fawn soft : morning light jewel tones &

baubles : sun-kissed & seizing : diffidence knitting ur

brows : did they teach you that in toms river : two oceans

jealous of summer : seaweed clusters tossed in black : ink

pours from rock : scrape our feet on shells : motherfucker

gentleman : when estelle sings : You can be my American boy,

American boy . . : i know exactly what she’s saying : the feels

swelling inside me : trying to forget she’s singing about

kanye west : white house blue accents : can’t hear anything

but blue & white blue & white blue & white : was ur

middle name reid : or hart : would we like ourselves :

fighting fish sarah barracuda : oxblood trail : splintered

tesserae : red cliff angst : NSA means no strings attached :

rebel rebel : wild unraveling : scarlet & thistle & still : blush

& seed : barbra streisand : series regular on Cops : so yves

klein : bleu steak : tartare & fries : blue suede blue loafers

blue socks electric blue crashing white piping jeremy

dafour : haribo smurfs red white & blue $2.49 : you can’t

hurt me now shark : i’ve plied you with absinthe & purple

shimmer : princely gates & fences : bleached silkscreen

thrushes : zipped in turquoise & cyan : opal twisting

through them : carla bruni freak in the sheets : flick flick

feet frank sinatra : tiny tiny dots damien hirst : moths

moths butterflies lee mcqueen : bonfire orchards dried &

hung : local patches of modesty : ashes fall fendi coat :

apollo’s belt gut love : happiness is a warm gun : tucked

under my arm : you look best when you’re not breathing :

chilling poison ivy gaze empty : famous last words : “are

you a serial killer?” : truth is the wildest thing : d i s t u r b i a

: vinyl playing pumped-up kicks wall-to-wall shag carpet :

holster packin : safe in ur mouth : pivotal moment of my

life : smothering sex : shifting urself again & again : lean of

ur chest rising & falling : threat of bruise on my lip : tight

of ur grip : arm pinned over my head : te ves muerto   •

A founding member of the Pine Row editorial board, MICHAEL CHANG (they/them) is the proud recipient of a Brooklyn Poets fellowship. They were invited to attend the Kenyon Review Writers Workshop at Kenyon College as well as the Omnidawn Poetry Writing Conference at Saint Mary's College of California. Their writing has been published or is forthcoming in Yellow Medicine Review, The Santa Clara Review, The Summerset Review, The Broadkill Review, Heavy Feather Review, UCityReview, Chiron Review, Thirty West, Map Literary, Armstrong Literary, Love's Executive Order, Funny Looking Dog Quarterly, Straylight, Juked, and many others.